What is the Opposite of Shame?
I asked the group this question. There were many answers, some close, but not the one I had in mind. I had in fact asked my thesaurus the same question several years prior. I wanted to identify just the right redemption word for “shame” so I could insert it on the Rightness/Wrongness Chart I was creating.
Honor. No one ever guesses this word, which is not surprising to me when I really think about it. I have helped a lot of people with shame issues. Most have suffered so deeply in this area, and have such low self-esteem as a result, they find it hard to wrap their heads around the fact that God wants to “exchange” their shame for honor.
What this means is that God wants to honor you with a future that is analogous to “true sonship.” It matters not to Him what your past looks like. He wants you to have the best future possible. Because you are His.
But the manifestation of this reality in our lives cannot occur unless we have revelation of it. That’s why I was beyond excited when I realized how the story of “The Good, Good Father” in Luke Chapter 15 (otherwise known as “The Prodigal Son”) personifies perfectly the need to “exchange” the “shame” thought pattern, for the other, that of “sonship.”
You likely know the story. A father had two sons. The younger one wanted his inheritance then and there. So the father distributed his wealth between them—at which point the younger son packed his bags and went to a far land where he squandered all that he had been given through reckless living.
As the story continues, the younger son, likely after many years of humiliation and despair concerning his bad decisions, “realized what he was doing” and decided to go back to his father’s house, where even the slaves were better off than he. His thinking was this: If he returned home, his father would surely allow him to live there again—as “a slave.”
Can you imagine this son’s shock when the father “raced out to meet him, swept him up in his arms, hugged him dearly and kissed him over and over with tender love?”
Then this:
Turning to his servants, the father said, “Quick, bring me the best robe, my very own robe, and I will place it on his shoulders. Bring the ring, the seal of sonship, and I will put it on his finger. And bring out the best shoes you can find for my son. Let’s prepare a great feast and celebrate. For this beloved son of mine was once dead, but now he’s alive again. Once he was lost, but now he is found! And everyone celebrated with overflowing joy. (Luke 15:22–24 TPT).
The Greek words used for “realized what he was doing” (Verse 17) literally mean “returned to himself” or “came back to his true self” (erchomai, “to come,” and eis heauton, “to oneself”). In actuality, I believe the son began the process of discovering his true self—that is, his “sonship”—when he “turned” back to his father’s house. Certainly, admitting fault and going back home, that is, repenting, was the first step in returning to the correct mindset—though his thought pattern upon arrival to his father’s house was still largely that of a slave.
I am convinced that the highest level of inner healing occurs when the truth of this parable is understood at a very deep level. This change in thought pattern happens progressively, over time, as a hurting person, once full of shame and fear, spends time “at home” in the heart of the Father, learning and experiencing, day to day, what it means to be a “true son.”
One way we can all learn to experience true sonship is through the practice of “exchanging” WRONG mindsets for RIGHT ones. (This is why I created the Rightness/Wrongness Chart to be used in conjunction with my book, Invite Jesus into your Traumatic Memories.)
Yes, Jesus is our Savior, but He is also our Redeemer and our Ransom Payment. This means He can and will take our wrong things from us—when we invite Him to do so. Then, He will make them “right.”
For example, when we engage with Him through a hurtful memory, we can visualize giving to Him the “shame” associated with that circumstance. As soon as the shame is released, we feel an immediate rush of peace (shalom in Hebrew). In addition, we sense that He desires to “honor” us as His beloved son or daughter.
Here are two other examples:
We give Him our “fears.” Then He quickly instills in us a profound understanding of the Father’s love.
When someone “offends” us, we exchange the negative emotion of “offense” for an ability to “see” that person differently, through another set of eyes—His! As a result, this person’s offenses become like rubber darts bouncing off a target every time they throw one! The Holy Spirit has become a wall of “defense” around our minds and hearts!
Rightness/Wrongness “exchanges” are always supernatural in nature. And practice does make perfect. The next time you feel a sense that something is not “right,” look over the chart to determine what your “wrong” emotion or mindset is. Then invite Jesus to come and make the needed exchange for you!
“So if while we were still enemies, God fully reconciled us to himself through the death of his Son, then something greater than friendship is ours. Now that we are at peace with God, and because we share in his resurrection life, how much more we will be rescued from sin’s dominion!” (Romans 5:10 TPT).
“For God is one, and there is one Mediator between God and the sons of men—the true man, Jesus, the Anointed One. He gave himself as a ransom-payment for everyone. Now this is the proper time for God to give the world this witness” (1 Timothy 2:5–6 TPT).
1 “Ransom” in the Hebrew language means literally, a “cover,” as a “coating” over something— figuratively, a “redemption-price, sum of money, bribe, satisfaction.”
2 Shalom is a Hebraic state of being that can be described as “prosperity, bliss, wholeness, completeness, health, peace, welfare, safety, soundness, tranquility, perfectness, fullness, rest, harmony, the absence of agitation or discord.” It comes from a root word meaning “to be complete, perfect, and (paid in) full.”
3 The Greek word for “reconciled” means “exchanged” or “restored.”